​​I was reading an article recently about Christians who have become irregular in gathering with their church, and I found myself giving a sad sigh. As a pastor, I share that concern. It grieves me when people who profess to know and love the Lord increasingly treat Sunday worship as something to fit around whatever else they would like to do.

I have been encouraged to read other pastors expressing this concern, including Kevin DeYoung and Paul Levy. I know Paul personally, and appreciated his article on why gathering matters. Their writing prompted me to reflect on something that weighs on my own heart as a pastor, and that is the spiritual welfare of people gradually withdrawing from church life.

Why does this concern me so much, you may wonder? Because I worry about their souls. I think of the solemn words of the Lord Jesus to people who called him “Lord” but never truly belonged to him: “I never knew you; depart from me” (Matthew 7:23). I fear that some who feel comfortable keeping their distance from Christ’s people may one day hear those words.

I know that attending church every Sunday cannot save anyone. Jesus’ warning applies even to people very active in church life, and as a pastor I must take those words to heart myself. But I cannot comfortably assume that all is well when someone professes to love Christ yet repeatedly chooses to stay away from the worship of God and fellowship with his people.

I understand that some Christians long to gather but cannot. My concern here is for those who could come, but increasingly allow other things to take their place.
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Why I want you to come

When I encourage someone to gather faithfully, I want them to know Christ, grow in faith and receive the help he has provided.
Hebrews 10 reminds us that Jesus has opened the way into God’s presence through his death. Through our great High Priest, we can approach the holy God with confidence (Hebrews 10:19-22). Having explained that privilege, the writer urges us to hold firmly to our hope, consider how to encourage one another, and keep meeting together (Hebrews 10:23-25).

I find that a wonderful place to begin. Through Christ we are welcomed into God’s presence and made members of his household (Ephesians 2:19-22), with a family alongside whom we can worship, learn and grow.
Now, I know how easily we can become distracted, discouraged or spiritually cold. We face temptations throughout the week and often carry burdens that others know little about. And because I know this, I know I need the help God gives his people, and so do you.

I have often told people that when we are struggling, the worst thing we can do is draw away from God and the means of grace he has provided. Yet that can be precisely what we feel like doing. We stop gathering, hear less of his Word and become isolated from those who could pray with us and help us.

By means of grace, I mean the ordinary ways God has appointed - especially his Word, the sacraments and prayer - through which his Spirit brings people to faith and strengthens believers in Christ. They do not earn his favour or work automatically through outward participation. We depend upon the Holy Spirit to make them fruitful in us.
The first Christians devoted themselves to teaching, fellowship, the breaking of bread and prayers (Acts 2:42).

 

We need that same provision, through which the Lord teaches, corrects, comforts and strengthens us.
That is why I worry when someone withdraws. They are distancing themselves from God’s provision for their spiritual good, often when they particularly need it.

Someone recently said to me, after many years of attending church, “I’m retiring from church.” They were speaking in their old age, and it broke my heart. I understand that advancing years can limit what we can do. We may need to lay down responsibilities and eventually be unable to attend. But we never outgrow our need for the Lord, his Word and his people.

I also wonder how much Covid disrupted our habits. The Evangelical Alliance’s 2021 research identified less frequent attendance in person alongside increased online participation. Its 2025 follow-up found encouraging recovery among responding churches, but still noted slightly less frequent attendance. I am thankful that technology helps those who cannot come. But watching from home cannot provide the whole life of worship, fellowship and mutual care Christ calls us to share.
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You have something to give

I also want you to think about the people who gather alongside you. Hebrews tells us to consider how to stir one another up to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24). We come to give encouragement as well as receive it.
You may feel your presence makes little difference. Yet someone may be helped by hearing you sing truths they are struggling to believe. Another may need a listening ear or your prayers. A newcomer may find a welcome through you.

If you are an older Christian, please do not underestimate the encouragement your continued trust in the Lord can give someone younger. You may have fewer responsibilities, but you still belong and are still needed.
Paul describes the church as a body whose members need one another, including those who seem weaker (1 Corinthians 12:12-27). I want us to consider how we can contribute to one another’s good.

This means giving the Lord’s Day its proper place as a day for worship and holy rest. There are duties of necessity and mercy, but we should ask honestly whether worship has become something we fit around our preferences.
I know getting a family to church can be a struggle. Barbara and I had five children to get ready - although Barbara did most of that! When a child is ill, sometimes both parents are needed at home.

 

But it is worth considering whether one could come with the other children while the other stays to care for the child who is unwell. These decisions require thought as we seek to make worship a settled part of family life.
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I know some cannot come

I would be deeply sorry if someone who longs to gather read this as a rebuke for circumstances they cannot change. Illness, disability, frailty and caring responsibilities can prevent attendance. Some struggle with distress others do not readily see.

If that describes you, you still need - and should receive - the care of your church. We must consider how to help through visits, transport, practical support and personal contact. Recorded sermons should accompany that care.
I also think of Christians facing persecution. Some meet at considerable risk; others are prevented from gathering. Here in the United Kingdom, we generally enjoy freedom to worship openly without fearing for our lives simply because we attend church. I thank God for that freedom and believe we should consider how we use it.

As a pastor, I must take responsibility too. Concern about absence should lead me to make contact, listen and understand. Scripture tells us to admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted and help the weak, showing patience to everyone (1 Thessalonians 5:14). I need wisdom to recognise the difference.
But where someone willingly and persistently puts other things before the Lord, love requires an honest conversation. Sin can harden our hearts, and we are called to encourage one another against that danger (Hebrews 3:12-13).

If you recognise yourself here, please examine your heart before God. Speak with your pastor about what is keeping you away. Bring your sins, disappointments, excuses and difficulties to Christ.
My concern is that you should truly know him and continue walking with him. The Saviour who died and rose for sinners promises to receive everyone who comes to him (John 6:37).
Come to him in repentance and faith, and seek the help he has provided among his people.
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Scripture quotations are from the ESV Bible. Linked names and research references open the original resources.